The Difference Between Servant Leadership and People-Pleasing

By Philip Burgess | UX Research Leader

Leadership styles shape how teams perform, how individuals feel valued, and how goals are achieved. Two approaches that often get confused are servant leadership and people-pleasing. While both involve caring for others, their motivations and outcomes differ greatly. Understanding these differences helps leaders build stronger teams without sacrificing their own boundaries or effectiveness.

What Servant Leadership Means

Servant leadership focuses on serving others first. The leader’s primary goal is to support the growth, well-being, and success of their team members. This style is about putting others’ needs ahead of personal gain, but with a clear purpose: to help the group achieve its mission.

Key traits of servant leadership include:

• Listening actively to understand team members’ concerns and ideas.

• Empowering others by providing resources and opportunities for growth.

• Building trust through honesty and transparency.

• Encouraging collaboration and valuing diverse perspectives.

• Taking responsibility for the team’s success and failures.

  
  

A servant leader does not avoid difficult decisions or conflict. Instead, they address challenges with empathy and fairness, always aiming to support the team’s long-term health.

What People-Pleasing Looks Like

People-pleasing happens when someone tries to gain approval by saying yes to everything or avoiding conflict at all costs. Unlike servant leadership, people-pleasing is driven by a desire to be liked or avoid rejection, rather than a genuine commitment to others’ growth.

Common signs of people-pleasing include:

• Fear of disappointing others, leading to overcommitment.

• Difficulty setting boundaries or saying no.

• Avoiding honest feedback to keep the peace.

• Seeking validation through constant approval.

• Sacrificing own needs and values to please others.

  
  

People-pleasers often feel stressed, overwhelmed, or resentful because they prioritize others’ happiness over their own well-being. This can lead to burnout and ineffective leadership.

A leader practicing servant leadership by listening carefully to a team member

How Servant Leadership and People-Pleasing Differ in Practice

The key difference lies in motivation and outcome. Servant leaders serve with intention and clear boundaries. People-pleasers serve out of fear or insecurity, often losing sight of their own needs.

Here are some practical examples:

• Decision-making

Servant leaders make tough choices that benefit the team, even if unpopular. People-pleasers avoid decisions that might upset others, leading to indecision or poor results.

• Feedback

Servant leaders give honest, constructive feedback to help others improve. People-pleasers sugarcoat or withhold feedback to avoid conflict.

• Boundary setting

Servant leaders set limits to protect their energy and focus. People-pleasers say yes to everything, risking burnout.

• Conflict handling

Servant leaders address conflicts openly and fairly. People-pleasers avoid conflict, which can allow problems to grow.

Why Servant Leadership Works Better for Teams

Teams led by servant leaders tend to be more engaged, productive, and loyal. When leaders genuinely care and act with integrity, team members feel safe to share ideas and take risks. This creates a positive cycle of trust and growth.

Research supports this. For example, a study published in the Journal of Business Ethics found that servant leadership correlates with higher job satisfaction and organizational commitment. Teams under servant leaders also report better communication and collaboration.

By contrast, people-pleasing leaders may create a surface-level harmony but often hide underlying issues. This can lead to frustration, miscommunication, and high turnover.

How to Practice Servant Leadership Without Falling Into People-Pleasing

It’s natural to want to help others and be liked, but leaders must balance this with self-respect and clear goals. Here are some tips:

• Clarify your purpose

Focus on serving the team’s mission, not just individual approval.

• Set clear boundaries

Know your limits and communicate them respectfully.

• Practice honest communication

Share feedback and concerns openly, with kindness.

• Prioritize self-care

Take time to recharge so you can serve others effectively.

• Seek support and feedback

Ask trusted colleagues how you’re doing as a leader.

Signs You Might Be People-Pleasing Instead of Leading

If you recognize these patterns, it may be time to adjust your approach:

• You say yes to requests even when overwhelmed.

• You avoid giving feedback to keep peace.

• You feel anxious about disappointing others.

• You neglect your own goals to satisfy everyone.

• You find it hard to make decisions that upset some people.

  
  

Changing these habits takes time but leads to stronger leadership and healthier teams.

Notes on servant leadership principles written in a notebook

Building Leadership That Serves and Supports

True leadership means serving others with purpose and strength. Servant leadership offers a path to build trust, foster growth, and achieve meaningful results. It requires courage to set boundaries and face challenges honestly.