Why Servant Leaders Must First Learn to Sit With Discomfort

By Philip Burgess | UX Research Leader

When I first stepped into a leadership role, I believed that being a servant leader meant always having the right answers and making everyone feel comfortable. I quickly learned that leadership is rarely comfortable. The real challenge is sitting with discomfort—leaning into difficult conversations, facing uncertainty, and managing emotions without rushing to fix or avoid them. This skill is essential for anyone who wants to lead with empathy and authenticity.

In this post, I will share why sitting with discomfort is a crucial step for servant leaders. I’ll explain how embracing discomfort helps build trust, encourages growth, and strengthens teams. Along the way, I’ll offer practical examples and insights from my own experience.

A quiet room with a single chair symbolizing the space to sit with discomfort

Understanding Discomfort in Servant Leadership

Discomfort shows up in many ways for leaders. It might be the tension of delivering tough feedback, the uncertainty of making decisions without all the facts, or the vulnerability of admitting mistakes. For servant leaders, discomfort often comes from putting others’ needs first, which can mean facing conflict or feeling exposed.

Instead of avoiding these moments, servant leaders must learn to stay present with them. This means resisting the urge to jump in with quick solutions or to smooth things over prematurely. Sitting with discomfort allows leaders to:

• Listen deeply to understand others’ perspectives

• Reflect honestly on their own feelings and biases

• Create space for authentic dialogue and problem-solving

  
  

When I first practiced this, I noticed how much more open and honest my team became. They felt seen and heard, even when the topics were difficult.

How Sitting With Discomfort Builds Trust

Trust is the foundation of servant leadership. People follow leaders they believe are genuine and reliable. When leaders shy away from discomfort, they risk appearing distant or insincere. On the other hand, showing up fully—even when it’s hard—builds credibility.

For example, I once had to address a conflict between two team members. Instead of avoiding the issue or trying to fix it quickly, I invited both to a conversation where we acknowledged the tension openly. I admitted my own uncertainty about the best way forward. This honesty encouraged them to share their feelings without fear. The result was a stronger relationship and a clearer path to collaboration.

Trust grows when leaders:

• Admit what they don’t know

• Show vulnerability without losing confidence

• Stay committed to working through challenges together

  
  

This approach turns discomfort into a bridge rather than a barrier.

Discomfort Encourages Growth and Innovation

Growth rarely happens in comfort zones. Servant leaders who embrace discomfort model a mindset that encourages learning and experimentation. When teams see their leader willing to face hard truths and take risks, they feel safer to do the same.

In one project, I pushed my team to try a new approach that felt risky. We didn’t have all the answers, and the possibility of failure was real. Instead of hiding that uncertainty, I shared it openly. We talked about what might go wrong and how we would respond. This honest conversation helped the team feel supported, and we ended up with creative solutions that improved our results.

Leaders who sit with discomfort help their teams:

• Take calculated risks

• Learn from mistakes without blame

• Develop resilience in the face of setbacks

  
  

This culture of growth is essential for long-term success.

A notebook with handwritten reflections symbolizing personal growth through discomfort

Practical Steps to Learn Sitting With Discomfort

Learning to sit with discomfort is a skill that takes practice. Here are some steps I found useful:

• Pause before reacting. When you feel discomfort, take a breath and resist the urge to respond immediately. This pause creates space for thoughtful action.

• Name the feeling. Acknowledge what you are experiencing internally. Saying “I feel uncertain” or “This is uncomfortable” helps reduce its power.

• Ask open questions. Instead of assuming, invite others to share their views. Questions like “What are you feeling?” or “What do you think we should do?” open dialogue.

• Reflect regularly. Set aside time to journal or think about your leadership challenges and how you handled discomfort. This builds self-awareness.

• Seek feedback. Ask trusted colleagues how you come across in difficult situations. Use their insights to improve.

  
  

These practices helped me become more comfortable with discomfort itself, which made me a stronger leader.

The Ripple Effect of Embracing Discomfort

When servant leaders learn to sit with discomfort, the impact goes beyond themselves. Teams become more open, communication improves, and problems get solved more effectively. People feel valued because their leader is willing to face hard moments alongside them.

This ripple effect creates a culture where challenges are seen as opportunities to learn and connect. It also helps prevent burnout because leaders and teams don’t have to pretend everything is fine when it’s not.

In my experience, the willingness to stay present with discomfort has been one of the most powerful tools for building a healthy, resilient team.